Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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