Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize