I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
