So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
