So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
