I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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