So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
