Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
