One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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