he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
