East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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