On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
