the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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