Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
