those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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