Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
