there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize