farters have to be the big spoon...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
