I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
