the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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