We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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