i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
