I wish they made helmets for livers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
