"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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