oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
