her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
