So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
