THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
