Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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