that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize