I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
