She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
