dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
