Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
