did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
