saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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