Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
