Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
