there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
