i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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