Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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