Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
