i would punch a child for taco bell
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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