coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
