I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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