WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
