Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
