After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
