I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
