Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
