Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
