I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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