dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
