Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize