Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just pee around me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
