that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
