you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't notice because vodka
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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