Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
