He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize