You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
