I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
