Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
