She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
