i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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