sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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