whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
