I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
