that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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