She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she smelled like a LAN party
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
