I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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