Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize