I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
