I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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