I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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