I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
