Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Randomize
