she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
