The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
