I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
