he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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