dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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