i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
