You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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