If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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