I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
