How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everclear isn't food dammit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
