remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
