Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
