real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
