You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
