oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
