final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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