my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize