I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
